Lifestyle & Etiquette

Lifestyle & Etiquette

1.	No means NO. Above all don't be pushy. Remember that freedom of choice is every individual's right in swinging and respecting that right is only common courtesy. Learn how to handle a "No", graciously. If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that and DON'T ask why, you may not want to know!
2	Be friendly and courteous. Respect all others at all times.
3	ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES, INCLUDING MARIJUANA, ARE PROHIBITED at all responsible swing clubs and private parties. Swinging is its own pleasure, don't dilute it and don't subject yourself and others to legal problems. Going in and out of the party or dance to your car will be suspect. Don't do it.
4	ARRIVE ON TIME. It isn't fashionable to arrive late to a swing party.
5	ARRIVE AS A COUPLE AND LEAVE AS A COUPLE WHEN ATTENDING A SWING DANCE OR PARTY. It is frowned upon by most hosts and other swingers when a partner, usually the woman, departs, leaving her mate at the party as a single.
6	ATTRACTIVE BUT CASUAL PARTY CLOTHES are usually best. If you're attending an on-premise party or a L'Sota Dance Blast, take a robe, negligee or other slip-on. You may find it more comfortable as the evening continues. At L'Sota it's a good idea to wear a robe in the Hospitality Suites. If you are attending a dance then dress according to the theme of the party or in clean clothing. You don't need to wear suits or fancy dresses but also don't wear dirty and torn clothing. What you wear will either help attract others to you or make them steer clear of you. Keep money, jewelry, and other valuables at a minimum. If they are lost, it's a problem for you, and an embarrassment to your hosts.
7	CLEANLINESS AND GOOD GROOMING is essential for swinging participants. Be aware of your body and take care of it. Be especially aware of any repugnant body odor you may develop due to the rather physical nature of these activities. Even a kiss can be repulsive if delivered on a breath heavy with the taste of cigarettes or liquor. Always keep your "privates" or for some your "publics" clean and fresh!
8	A GOOD MENTAL ATTITUDE AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH will make you popular in the swinging community. No one appreciates the negative person with nothing good to say about the party, other persons, or swinging. The man or woman with the smile, ready laugh and obvious interest in others is the person others like to be around.
9	DON'T TAKE A "TICKET" TO A SWING PARTY. A ticket is someone who has no intention of swinging but is willing to go along to get someone else in. No one must swing at a party, of course, but if one person swings, it is expected that the other is willing and free to do the same.
10	DON'T TAKE SOMEONE TO A SWING PARTY WHO IS NOT FULLY INFORMED as to the nature of the party and their expected behavior.
11	DON'T DISTURB THE SWINGING ENJOYMENT OF OTHERS in a bedroom or other swing area with loud or prolonged talking or laughing.
12	THE GROUP ROOM IS FOR GROUP SWINGING. If you want privacy, don't go to the group room. If you take your partner or any other person to the group room to swing, you can expect others to ask to join you and your partner. (The right of refusal always applies, of course. Swinging in the group room doesn't automatically give others the right to join you).
13	CLUB SWING PARTIES HAVE PARTY DUES OR DONATIONS. It is your responsibility to present it upon being checked in for a party. Don't make the hosts remind you.
14	IF A PARTY IS BYOB (BRING YOUR OWN BOTTLE), ONLY DRINK WHAT YOU BRING. Never help yourself to what others have brought without their permission. This is another of the much violated rules of swinging etiquette, and one that causes anger among the party guests. Always bring your own mixes or ask if mixes will be available.
15	TELL THE HOSTS if another guest causes a problem, won't take "no" for an answer, or is objectionable in any real way. They sincerely want to know so they can correct the problem. Keeping problems and bad feelings to yourself only contributes tension to the situation.
16	IF YOU LIKE A CLUB OR PARTY, SAY SO. IF IT JUST ISN'T YOUR THING, LEAVE. To speak despairingly of a party to the other guests is simply poor manners.

Love and Food: How They're Connected in the Brain Can being in love lead to weight gain?

We've all had that friend who disappears for a month, only to emerge newly coupled and minus ten pounds. Or the friend who gets hitched and then develops a belly. What appears to be an individual phenomenon is actually deep seated in our social and psychological behavior. Food and love are inexorably linked, thanks to a complex hormonal reaction that affects our emotional attachments to loved ones—and our need for food.

Notably, early in the relationship, eating takes on weighted significance, according to Maryanne Fisher, a professor of psychology St. Mary's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, whose research focuses on the evolutionary basis of romantic behavior. "Food is a way to display skills to a potential mate," Fisher told HuffPost Healthy Living. "You might buy nicer food or prepare better meals. It's fascinating how it can be used as part of the relationship."

If the food is a display—say, if one partner cooks food for another, or one buys a fancy dinner for the other—that's preferable, because those who are newly in love tend not to eat much. As Fisher noted in her essay on the subject, those who are newly infatuated produce an overabundance of "reward hormones" like norepinephrine. In turn, those produce feelings of euphoria, giddiness, and energy. But they also suppress appetite in many, according to Fisher.

But as with all things, "love hormones" that go up must come down, and, in extreme cases, that can lead to obesity. One 2008 University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill study found that women who were married were twice as likely to become obese as their peers who were single. Those who were cohabiting, but not married, were 63 percent more likely to become obese than single women. Men didn't emerge unscathed: married men were also twice as likely to grow obese, though cohabiting men were no more likely to be obese than their single counterparts.

For one thing, weight gain includes an element of social contagion. If one spouse has poor eating habits, such as a lack of portion control or a preference for unhealthy foods, that may extend to the other spouse. And, as nutritionist Joy Bauer explained during a segment on TODAY about the subject, there is little motivation to stay away from the cozy snacking:

Most importantly, if you’ve settled down with someone, you’re no longer facing the competition of the dating field. That means you may have less incentive to stay in shape and look your best. Plus, your lifestyle starts to revolve around food a bit more. As a couple, you probably stay in and cozy up (with food) on the couch more often than you did when you were single.

Did you gain weight during the course of a relationship or after marriage? Did you lose weight falling in love? Tell us in the comments!

10 Qualities of a Friend

“Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” Aristotle

Friendships are created in many ways. You meet them at school, work, church and the gym. You text, email, tweet, and befriend them on Facebook. Thedictionary describes a friend as one who is attached to another by affection or esteem; they are not hostile; they are a favored companion. Whatever your definition of friend is, a friend is a vital part of a happy life.

There are many types of friendships. Some are for a season and others are for a lifetime. Friends enrich your life and give meaning to your existence. They celebrate your victories, encourage you through difficult situations and stand with you in tragedy. It has been said that a friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.

Casual friendships provide many social opportunities and pleasures. It is through these friendships that much of life takes place. These friends may know some of the details of your personal life, but most interactions are focused on business or the group that united them. A healthy individual will enjoy many friendships at this level.

Intimate friendships are few, requiring a larger investment and transparency. These friends know a great deal about you. Over time, trust is created. Here, each person feels safe to share the things that bring them joy, as well as pain.

The qualities of a friend are many, but the foundation is trust. A friend trusts you will treat them with kindness in all you say and do.

As a friend you will…

1. Listen not only to their words, but to their heart.
2. Be patient, not expecting them to do everything on your timetable.
3. Be forgiving, knowing they are not perfect.
4. Be  loyal, even when they are not present.
5. Be a confidant, not sharing their secrets.
6. Empathize, doing your best to understand their feelings and point of view.
7. Be a peacemaker, agreeing to disagree when needed.
8. Be respectful, letting their no, be no.
9. Be an encourager, speaking words of life that inspire.
10. Always believe the best of your friend.

Choose your friends carefully, for you will become like them.

©2013 What Would Mrs King Do? If you would like to use this article in your newsletter or blog, you may do so. Please include our credit information: Written by Deborah King, What Would Mrs King Do? © Copyright 2013. I would also appreciate it if you would send us a copy for our files to mrsking@whatwouldmrskingdo.com.

The Powerful Influence of a Lady

“Have you met Chantal? She is such a lovely lady.” A casual comment like this, said in a positive tone, has the power to endear one person to another, or to create outrage. The difference lies with the person who hears the comment and how she defines what a “lady” is.

Who is a lady? The dictionary defines a lady as a well-bred woman; — the female counterpart to a gentleman; a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken; a woman of high social position or economic class; any woman; a female.

I recently presented the following question to various professionals globally, “What does it mean to be a ‘lady,’ or a ‘gentleman,’ in today’s society? Is it valued?” The feedback shed an interesting light on how our current society views being a lady.

While many embrace the notion of being a lady, or a gentleman, today, others find the term lady distasteful and sexist. Interestingly, they do not find the term gentleman to be distasteful or sexist. Being a lady brings to mind comments like, “Nice ladies don’t speak up, and nice ladies don’t cross their legs.” One individual noted that in Sweden they have opted to not call children “boys” and “girls” anymore and joked that Dr. Seuss may have had it correct to call them “Thing 1” and “Thing 2.”

The majority of men and women aligned their beliefs with the dictionary definition that a lady is not only who she is according to gender, but also how she behaves.

Personally, I embrace being called a lady, as I view this term to refer to my being gracious, thoughtful, kind, self-assured, poised, and female. I know who I am—my strengths and my weaknesses—and am able to move through life with an unyielding confidence rooted in my character and displayed as class. I possess clear boundaries, both personally and professionally, and respect the boundaries of others.

A lady is one who embraces her background and has mastered the art of how to dress, speak, and behave in every situation. Here are a few insights into what it is to be a modern lady.

Her Background

• She is not required to be born into the right family or experience a silver spoon upbringing; she demonstrates instead care and consideration for self and others, which is rooted in civility.
• She values education—both formal and self-study—and is committed to lifelong learning.
• She develops, uses, and trusts her intuition.

Her Appearance

• She accepts, embraces, and maximizes her physical appearance.
• She selects clothing that suits her style and suits the occasion.
• She understands the value of mystery and modesty.

Her Walk

• She moves with grace, elegance, strength, and confidence.
• She plans her day well and is not hurried.

Her Speech

• She speaks with kindness and consideration.
• She is thankful and tactful in her communication.
• She gives and accepts compliments with ease.

Her actions

• She maintains high moral character and integrity, and protects it at all cost.
• She is generous with her time, talent, and resources.
• She is courteous, polite, thoughtful, and loyal.
• She honors and respects all people.

While one is born female, the art of being a lady must be developed and nurtured. For some, this skill is learned in her family as she grows up. For others, the skill is honed through observation, attending classes, reading books, and trial and error. For all, becoming a lady is a lifelong process and commitment as our society embraces reality TV, careless dress and grooming, trash talk, and increasingly shocking behavior.

Today’s lady shares equal status and responsibility in all aspects of society—whatever her life choices are personally and professionally.

Being a lady is not as much about what she does, but rather, who she is, and how she navigates herself through life. You instantly know, and never forget, when you have been in the presence of a lady. She is classy, elegant, polite, compelling, and intoxicating. Being in the presence of a true lady or gentleman is a powerful and memorable experience.

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” Margaret Thatcher

 ©2013 What Would Mrs King Do? If you would like to use this article in your newsletter or blog, you may do so. Please include our credit information: Written by Deborah King, What Would Mrs King Do? © Copyright 2013. I would also appreciate it if you would send us a copy for our files to mrsking@whatwouldmrskingdo.com.

Your Child Needs a Parent – Not a Best Friend

Parents fill many roles in the lives of their children, but one role they are not to fill is to be their child’s best friend and lifelong playmate. Today’s parent often has many responsibilities outside the home, including part- or full-time employment, which leaves precious little time for family life. Nevertheless, no matter how tired he or she is at the end of the day, he or she is still the parent, and no one else can fulfill that role.

As a teacher, protector, and provider of her children, a parent needs to focus on the following:

1. A child must be taught to be compassionate and to empathize with others.
2. A child must be taught how to act appropriately in various settings.
3. A child must be taught to respect authority and know how to appeal to authority when needed.
4. A child must be taught that every decision he or she makes has consequences and that those consequences will appear sooner or later.
5. A child must be taught how to wisely give of themselves to others.
6. A child must be taught how to handle conflict.
7. A child must be taught how to be grateful and how to appropriately express their gratitude.
8. A child must be protected from a life that is too busy to enjoy their childhood.
9. A child must be provided a home that is a sanctuary from the storms of life—a safe place to be nurtured physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
10. A child must be taught that personal integrity is more important than fame or fortune.

To provide a child with these core values requires the greatest investment: time. We cannot pass off this responsibility to a coach, school, church, or nanny. Children learn by watching us and will do as we do, not as we say. A mom shared with me how angry her teenage son had become over her calling clients to discuss business every time they were in the car together. Her view was that they were spending time together; his view was that she would rather be with someone else.

A parent’s words can encourage a child to attempt a new activity, to press a little harder to reach a goal, to calm a moment of distress, or bind up a broken heart; they can also dash a dream and pierce the heart with pain. We must guard our words so they give life, and look for creative ways to express them.

Monica wrote these words to her adult daughter: “Kayla, you are like a pillar. Your inner strength amazes me. You have grown into such a beautiful and strong woman. You make me smile, and I am very proud of you. My love for you runs deep. Keep going for your dreams! You are a world changer!”

Monica said that she has learned that there is no greater investment in her children than her words. The cost is only a few moments of her time. When others use words to try to hurt her children, she is confident that her words will rise up, overrule, and remind them, “My mom says . . . !”

Take time to write a few words of affirmation to your child. They will be a constant reminder of who they are, their destiny, their value, and how much they are loved. Our words and life example will be engraved on their heart and spirit forever and will provide the support they need to face the many challenges of life.

Your child needs a parent not a friend

 ©2013 What Would Mrs King Do? If you would like to use this article in your newsletter or blog, you may do so. Please include our credit information: Written byDeborah King, What Would Mrs King Do? © Copyright 2013. I would also appreciate it if you would send us a copy for our files to mrsking@whatwouldmrskingdo.com.